"Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.'"
Luke 9:23-24
My relationship with Christ used to revolve around this single verse:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
I went to this church I have gone to a few times Friday night and Saturday morning for their Women's Day, and let me tell you, these past eighteen hours or so have changed my life in more ways than I would imagine. I would write more but I have realized I am a bit tired so I am going to take a nap and I will return to this as soon as I wake up.
-Jenn
Edit: 9 hours later...
Ok, so I slept about 3 hours and then I went to the gym and later to the store, so that's why it's taken this long for me to update.
So I was pretty much exhausted, only 5-and-a-half hours of sleep last night. The reason for which is simple. I knew that there was no possible way I could make to commutes up to Marietta for both parts of Women's Day, so I was invited to spend the night at a house along with 15 other girls...so you know we stayed up pretty late. I was a little strange for me to be there, because the girls were from all different campuses and I only knew the ones I had met at KSU. But it was a great experience and Katey and Christy and their family was very gracious to open up their home to all of these girls.
So, to tell you how I was impacted I would have to tell you in person to fully get my point across. But something struck me this women's day, something that finally allowed all of my confusion and convictions come into place.
Seeking God is how I ultimately find inner peace.
I don't think I truly began to understand what that meant until last night. I have spent my entire life being afraid, and because of this fear hovering in my heart I have not allowed myself to live to my full potential; in fact, it has caused problems for me. In addition to being afraid, I always fought to be accepted and to fit in--to belong...
...Well anyone who really truly knows me knows that I am a very unique individual. Let's just say I'm...creative!
Even with my faith I was afraid. I was afraid of my own convictions, afraid of my own beliefs and my own opinions, even if I expressed them aloud. And I alleviated this pain simply by trying to convince myself that they were wrong...
But I never once gave it to God. I did not fully trust him. I did not take all of his story to heart. I was focused on a single verse, because I thought all it takes to get to heaven is to accept Christ as your lord and savior.
...And maybe that is all it takes, but will that solve the problems and pieces that are missing from your life. No, and that's where the rest of the Bible (especially the New Testament) comes in. In about a week or so, I will have finished every book in the New Testament, and it is amazing what I have read; I cannot even describe it all because in reading everything so quickly it almost overwhelmed. Therefore, I have decided that (starting with the New Testament) I am going to write a journal (which I will transfer into a second blog) about every chapter in the Bible, only this time I will move at a much slower pace so that I can reflect chapter by chapter, maybe 2 chapters per day, and strengthen my own convictions.
I do not believe that I have to be a disciple of Christ to earn God's love. I already have that. I have always had it and I always will. There is no possible way anyone on this planet could ever pay God back for what he sent his son Jesus Christ to do for us. However, I have realized that by studying the Bible and living my life staying true to the word, I can find some peace at long last as well as live the life that I meant to live. I am doing this for my life now, because the journey through life on the way to heaven is hard, but with God on my side, I know that there will be battles, but ultimately, we'll win the war. Luke 9:23-24 is right. Living and walking with God, which is not an easy task, is the way find peace in life. And I think the reason for this is because while life is always changing and letting us down and the like, God is not, and he is always here for us. And that's why I want to put my life into God's hands. I obviously have not done the best job with it, so let's see what God can do.
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